Overview:
- We invalidate emotions in our daily conversations unknowingly.
- Recognize and substitute emotional invalidation with greater awareness and empathetic communication.
- Emotional validation is important to mental health, healthy relationships, and self-esteem.
What Is Emotional Invalidation?
Rohan found himself in despair. He tried finding solace in videos, books, and podcasts, but nothing worked. One day, he decided to confide in his best friend about his anxiety, hoping to be comforted. What followed was unfortunate. His friend, cut him mid-sentence, said, “You’re just overthinking it, like many others. You’ll be fine. Just focus on the good stuff.”
That moment stayed with him. Not because his friend was cruel, but because his fear was met with a dismissal instead of understanding. His pain was neglected, and his trust diminished.
Emotional invalidation is when a person’s feelings are ignored, downplayed, or judged (intentionally or not). It may sound like
- “It’s not that serious.”
- “You’re too sensitive.”
- “Other people have it worse.”
It’s sometimes cloaked in advice or good intentions. But what it actually says is, Your feelings don’t count here.
Why It Hurts More Than We Know
When a person dismisses our feelings, it not only hurts, but it also scars us. It lets us know our internal world is wrong, too much, or inconvenient.
We begin questioning ourselves. We internalize. We don’t call again.
Over time, this suppression of emotion can manifest as
- Anxiety or depression
- Low self-esteem
- Avoidant communication patterns
- Outbursts of emotion due to pent-up tension
There is a physiological price, too. Emotional invalidation boosts stress reactions in the body. In contrast, emotional safety can enhance sleep, immune response, and general mental acuity.
A 2022 study indicates that individuals who perceive high levels of emotional invalidation experience more daily stress. They also report increased negative emotions, especially in social situations involving people they are not close to. (Taylor and Francis, Volume 36, Issue 2)
This turns validation into more than a communication skill. It becomes a practice of well-being.
Ways We Invalidate Others Unknowingly
It’s not always shouting “Get over it!”; it can be subtle, polished, or even kind.
Sometimes we say:
- “Look on the bright side.”
- “At least it’s not worse.”
- “You just need to stay busy.”
When someone we care about is upset, our first instinct is often to help, fix the problem, or cheer them up. But in the process, we omit a vital step: recognizing what they’re really feeling.
We invalidate ourselves too, saying things like:
- “I shouldn’t feel this way.”
- “I’m being dramatic.”
- “Other people experience worse.”
But suffering is not a contest. Each emotion is authentic, and it deserves equal attention.
How To Validate Someone’s Feelings
So, how do we end the subtle emotional invalidation?
“Sometimes, the most important thing you can do for another person is to simply acknowledge that their experience is real.”
Emotional validation involves making space. It involves showing up without an urge to manage or fix someone’s experience.
Rather than fixing, try:
- “That sounds incredibly challenging.”
- “I can see why that would be disappointing to you.”
- “Your feelings make sense, and I’m here for you.”
This conveys to the other person: “You’re not wrong. You’re not alone. You’re safe”.
Validation doesn’t mean that you always agree. It simply implies that you acknowledge their emotion as real, without jumping to explain it away.
Validation is the bridge between listening and healing.
Empathetic Communication Strategies That Work
When someone reveals something vulnerable, how we respond can open the door to connection or shut it.
Here’s how to remain empathetic:
- Start with curiosity
“Can you tell me more about that?”
- Ask, don’t assume
“What would feel supportive right now?”
- Avoid rushing to reframe
“At least…” could shut them down
- Employ ‘I’ language
“I hear you”, “I’m here”, “I care.”
You may not know the right words to console, but your presence itself is powerful. In fact, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all.
Empathy is about understanding the emotion playing beneath the story.
Healing Through Validation
When we can stop trying to ‘fix’ feelings, we allow people permission to feel and heal.
You might be supporting a friend. You might be showing up for your partner. Or you might be working on your self-talk. In all these cases, emotional validation is the soil where connection grows.
Here’s the truth:
- You’re allowed to feel things deeply.
- You’re allowed to feel the need for support.
- You’re allowed to express yourself without any apology.
Expressing yourself is the first step towards healing and shows great emotional strength. It is brave. It makes you a source of inspiration for others to speak up.
Conclusion:
We may be unintentionally invalidating emotions. It often goes unnoticed, but its impact can be severe.
By listening with compassion and validating emotions as they are, we build safer and softer spaces.
For the ones we love. For ourselves. For the next conversation.
It begins with awareness, and it goes on with intention.
