I’m Part of the Rainbow Community, so What?

• LGBTQIA+ people continue to face discrimination, despite increased visibility and progress.
• Casual and systemic homophobia is still normalized—even among friends.
• The term “homophobia” doesn’t reflect the true harm caused by prejudice.
• People justify their bias using religion, discomfort, or ignorance.
• The onus of change is on those who perpetuate discrimination, not on the LGBTQIA+ community.
• Respect, humanity, and self-awareness are key to challenging internalized and societal homophobia.

What’s Wrong With This Scenario?

Picture this scenario. You walk along the street with a few friends, and you all see a gay couple holding hands. While your female friends call them adorable, your male friends gag and mutter slurs under their breath. As an LGBTQIA+ ally, if you call them out, one of the following things could happen:

One, they could launch into a tirade about how gay relationships are biblically incorrect and against nature.

Or, they could go on the defensive and say they don’t hate them. They are just uncomfortable with seeing such in public.

Some might go a step further and say they are fine with lesbians or two girls getting together. However, they would, of course, never date a transgender woman.

Regretfully, we have all experienced or heard about these scenarios, and they are known to be prevalent even in the 21st century. 

Still Marching, Still Misunderstood

While we march for pride and many people come out of the closet, homophobia is still widely accepted and normalized. Homophobia is technically defined as a dislike for or prejudice against gay people. Yet this word hardly does justice to this transgression against equality and humanity. The definition goes on to list synonyms like fear, mistrust, or uncomfortableness.  However, the main words or feelings usually associated with homophobia are outright hatred and prejudice.

Yet the word phobia connotes being deathly scared of something, “an extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something.” Having phobias is not an issue; being irrationally afraid of people just like you seems a little extreme. Moreover, homophobes hardly behave like they are afraid of anything, let alone the LGBTQIA+ community. Victims should seek and get help, not the homophobe, but in this world, the reverse is the case.

A Metaphor That Hits Home

To put some context to this, imagine having a phobia of dogs. I am someone who is still not over the trauma of being bitten by one. I can still boldly say I definitely will not yell slurs or throw sticks at any dog. I will stay away, and if the dog belongs to someone I know, I will politely smile. This is not what homophobes do with gay people. They intentionally call names, ask intrusive questions, turn violent, and give unsolicited advice to prove their superiority.

The Cost of Hiding

All these lead to fear, not for the homophobes, but within the community. The fear of what people will think leads to closeting, even amongst highly influential and well-off personalities and celebrities. Thankfully, over the past several years, the out-and-proud LGBTQIA+ community has grown and continues to do so. They have been shutting down most negative behavior and reactions surrounding their identities. Yet it is still not enough. I believe the onus for change does not lie with the LGBTQIA+ community itself. Homophobes need to know that others cannot and will not hide their true selves for their comfort. It doesn’t work that way.

Homophobia is still widely accepted and normalized despite all efforts to get rid of it. The situation remains because it’s seen as “just a joke” or “not meaning anything by it”. It is being used as a slur for people who are gay or bisexual. Being different is not a threat to what is seen as the norm, and the diversity that comes with it should be celebrated.

Until people stop being entitled, the LGBTQIA+ community might remain in danger. While you may not understand or even like their decisions, it is not up to you to take any actions. The fact that they are different doesn’t mean they don’t deserve due respect.

Everyday Ways to Do Better

If you want to get rid of your homophobia, the following tips can help you make and be the change. Do these as much as possible daily, and you’ll be cured in no time!

1. Know Your Boundaries

If you witness a couple from the LGBTQIA+ community, do not ask them intrusive questions or treat them as aliens. After all, I am sure you witness couples every day. We are all privileged enough to have access to knowledge through books and Google—use those to sate your curiosity instead.

2. Respect

We all need to instill that word in our psyche. Do not give your unsolicited advice or suggest that “it’s just a phase.” Respect people for who they are, even if you do not agree with or support them. 

3. Be Human

If your classmate is gay, do not waylay them and try to “beat the gay” out of them. Being a bully doesn’t make you authoritative and influential. No one can change your gender or sexuality because it is a fact. The same is true for people belonging to the LGBTIA+ community. 

4. Practice What You Preach

If you’re a religious homophobe, it is quite the irony. However, if you think someone’s existence goes against your religion, then I would like to correct you politely.

For example, if you are a Christian, remember John 15:12-13. “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” 

5. Accept

Remember that being part of the LGBTQIA+ community doesn’t change the person you love. Even after coming out, love them unconditionally and respect their courage for being themselves before you. (Although they might already have anticipated your adverse reactions).

6. Address

Lastly, address your inner demons. Internalized homophobia should be addressed because hiding all that hate under a smile has to be tiring and not okay.

We all know a fundamental and universal truth when we are born: We are all humans. Yet as adults, we often fail to remember this. The LGBTQIA+ community is human before anything else.

Humans are at the apex of the societal pyramid, yet sometimes, we fail to act as such.  We need to realize the importance of accepting (and not tolerating) differences and celebrating people for living their real selves.