It’s okay! You belong to a different puzzle

• Making friends as an adult can be hard
• People pleasing attitude leads to a tunnel with no exit
• It is brave to be authentic
• Appreciating Me- time.
• Avoid hindering your growth

How do you make friends as an adult?

Moving to a new city can be daunting at first. When I first moved out of my home, I was super excited to live on my own. I made a big bucket list with lots of dreams. I dreamt of making it to the top at my new first job and becoming a comedian. Everything was planned. But, after reaching there, I got sick for the first 15 days. No one was there to take care of me or ask me how I was doing. For the first time, I felt lonely. I pretended to enjoy this newfound freedom, but with a sick body, it felt difficult.

What does a lonely person do in a big city? Well, the answer is to make friends. I joined multiple groups, talked to strangers, and attended a few boring conferences as well. I pretended to enjoy doing all those things because I wanted a friend.

 This is when I realized that making friends as an adult is difficult. I could think of one reason. When we grow up, we want to make friends who fit into our well-defined list. I was also looking for someone who shares similar interests as mine. Retrospectively, when I look at this behavior of mine, I feel stupid and to an extent embarrassed as well.

But, if you are in a similar situation, let me give you the best advice that I have received:

“ Friendship is organic. You cannot force it. You do not need a list because you are trying to make a friend, not buying some electronic device. Be authentic and stop pretending to like things that you hate.”

This is the advice given by my first friend.

Spoiler alert: She did not fit into my list. But even after 1 year, we still talk, laugh, and share a few memes. This friendship happened because I did not force it.

Pretending to gain acceptance

I am not a fast learner when life decides to teach. So, I pretended again. Why? Let’s find out.

So, it turns out, my new friend leads a cool group. I got an entry and I was over the moon. At first, I was happy to belong to a group. But, with time I feel like I’m losing my identity. I started doing everything that the group did. I went to those fancy cafes and had those fancy dishes whose names I couldn’t even pronounce. I started staying up late and did not exercise for a couple of months.

The worst day was my birthday. It was my first birthday away from home. All I wanted to do was sit at home, watch some comedy, and eat my favorite food. Did I do it? A loud and clear no. I went to a club with loud blasting music and pretended to not have a headache. I hardly ate and I fought with my Uber Driver. All this happened because I was so engrossed in trying to fit in. On that day, I realized that this was not me. I used to be outspoken and getting straight to the point was my strength. I never cared about what people said and how they reacted when they got to know about my far-fetched dreams.

That day, I questioned everything and decided to bring back my identity. I told my friends, I don’t like fancy dishes, late-night parties, and blasting loud music. Truth be told, it felt good. It felt like I had a new life to spare.

How is your growth hindered?

When I moved out, I had a plan. I planned to do great at my job along with my exams. I also had a plan to finish reading all the books that I had been piling all this time. I had written multiple scripts to perform.  I also had a target to lose weight along with all this. I know the list seems unmanageable. But, I did these before losing myself. Now I understand embracing authenticity is the right thing to do.

Now, the real question is, “Did I do any of those?”

By now, we know the answer is NO.

The time that I had been waiting to turn all my dreams into reality was right in front of me. But, I was busy Pretending.

So, my fellow readers, do not pretend to fit into a new group or new city. We all have heard that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. But,if you are pretending to be someone else, then this tunnel is a dead end. There is no light at the end of this pretend tunnel.

So, finally, I learned my lesson and stopped pretending. I started enjoying my own company and Me-time. I finished all my targets and yes I was tired but the satisfaction was indescribable.

The title of this article is It’s Okay! You belong to a different puzzle. Let me tell you how I come up with this title. My niece has lots of puzzles. And, one day she started crying because she was unable to fit one piece of the puzzle. You guessed it right, that piece belonged to a different puzzle. And, just like my niece, We become sad if we don’t fit into a particular team or group. But, what we should always keep in mind is that we all are like the pieces of a puzzle. If somehow we pretend or are forced to be in some other puzzle, then we will always feel incomplete and unworthy.

To conclude, be yourself. Do not change yourself to fit into some group. This is your life. You are the main character of your story.