The Politics of Belonging: Why Queer Families of Choice Matter Now More Than Ever

• Throughout history, the LGBTQ+ community has struggled to achieve acceptance with varying degrees of success.
• At present, there are still many people who express visceral levels of queerphobic sentiments. 
• Challenges like marginalization and homelessness have given rise to queer families of choice. 

It cannot be denied that the world has made progress towards acceptance of queer people. Still, many queer people become victims of hate crimes. In times of exile from family, queer youth turn to each other for support. Queer families of choice are groups where biological ties do not relate to people but are joined together through solidarity. They become a family of choice that harbors a sense of safety and harmony for alienated queer folks. 

Historical and Emotional Significance of Chosen Families

Historically, the presence of queer chosen families emerged from the act of coming together against unjust brutality and discrimination. The core principles of queer families of choice revolve around being each other’s support system. One such example can be derived from the landmark movement of the Stonewall Riots. Excessive police brutality caused a large group of drag queens and trans activists to band together outside the Stonewall Inn. They were led by trans activists Marsha P. Johnson, Sylvia Rivera, Zazu Nova, and many others. Many activists involved in the Incident went on to form NGOs and foundations to aid afflicted queer youth. 

In another instance, the AIDS Epidemic of the 1980s was a dark period for thousands of gay men. Queer people who had HIV were considered outcasts by their families and denied healthcare by prejudiced providers. That’s when lesbians stepped in to provide care and support for the fundamental rights of gay men country-wide. Despite facing criticism from other minorities, they ran blood drives and soup kitchens that became critical for survival. In honor of their legacy of empathy and compassion, the gay rights movement’s title shifted from GLBT to LGBT. 

The course of history has forced queer individuals to form a network of companionship, interdependence, and deep connections together. Conventionally, the principles of nuclear families have always been predominantly heteronormative. In contrast, queer families of choice are dynamic and blended in nature as a web of supportive, long-lasting relationships.

Queer Families of Choice in Media and Culture

Seeing as how the political and legal landscape is backsliding in regards to the LGBTQ+ community, queer kinship is crucial. Queer narratives have the power to shift perceptions and provide a sense of hope for closeted queer folks. This is why accurate representation is instrumental in assimilating the heteronormative populace to alternative family structures and queer lifestyles. Storytelling is a powerful craft that transcends geographical and cultural boundaries to emphasize the voice of marginalized communities. 

Although there are many popular shows with the queer chosen family trope, the ones mentioned below are underrated cult favorites. Here are a few glimpses of queer media that emphasize the significance of found families: 

9-1-1 Lone Star

The show revolves around a lively crew of firefighters stationed in Austin, Texas. The crew has a diverse mix of complex characters that belong to racial and sexual minorities. With light-hearted and wholesome moments thrown in, the show also highlights grounded reality through the struggles faced by the characters. It offers a nuanced understanding of diversity and inclusion at the workplace through Capt. Strand’s principles of equality. As the show progresses, the crew of firefighters gradually form unbreakable bonds and stand by each other through each obstacle. 

Rina Sawayama’s Song Chosen Family

Serving as an anthem for marginalized queer youth, this song celebrates queer kinship and solidarity. It is an ode to every LGBTQ+ individual who has been cast out from their childhood homes by their families. The song imbues a sense of warmth and camaraderie with the following lines: 

“We don’t need to be related to relate

We don’t need to share genes or a surname.” 

The song gained tremendous traction from the global queer community. It was played at the closing ceremony of the Tokyo Olympics 2020. 

Our Flag Means Death 

This seminal show featured a group of pirates with diverse sexual and gender minorities. Gathering a huge queer following due to its explicit representation and the queer chosen family formed by the misfit pirates. Entwined with dark satire, awkward romance, and genuine connections, the show illustrates the strength of bonds formed by exile. 

A Celebration of Diversity and Inclusion

In an ideal world, the friends and family of a queer person would accept and love them for who they are. Unfortunately, that is not the case in our reality. The Trevor Project confirms that over 28% of LGBTQ youth become homeless after coming out to their families. In such circumstances, queer people have taken to forming found families or families of choice. Queer families of choice represent alternative family structures that challenge conventional family standards consisting of parents and children. 

In recent years, there has been a rise in older queer generations taking on a mentor role for the LGBTQ youth. Queer people from Gen Z are now getting married to their partners. However, most of them are forced to hold their ceremonies without their families due to queerphobia and intolerance. To fill the gap and act as pillars of support, older generations have actively started forming queer families of choice. They stand in as parents for the young queer couples at their wedding ceremony. 

Similar heart-warming movements are pervasive in the queer sub-cultures through online communities, LGBTQ+ local mixers, and queer-friendly clubs. Queer families of choice are a medium of broadcasting acceptance through diversity and inclusion. They become a site of refuge and serve as a safe space for the queer community.

Since conservative beliefs are taking center stage in current times, queer families of choice are integral for providing emotional support. Just as the older queer generations stood tall and fought for our rights, we must persevere to preserve them.