The Motherhood Paradox: Why Adoption Remains a Whispered Secret

• Adoption has been a concept that has been stigmatized within society.
• The central ideology of Adoption in the Indian context is for lineage.
• Motherhood has been defined based on a woman’s ability to produce offspring.

In a country that worships motherhood, it’s ironic that not all forms of it are equally embraced. India has been celebrating the idea of motherhood as divine, selfless, and central to the family. At the same time, their motherhood isn’t linked to who they guide but rather through their ability to reproduce. This makes us question the reason for concealing the truth of adoption and its justification. The silence of the family is not accidental.

History of Adoption

One of the primary motivations for Adoption was twofold: achieving Moksha (liberation) and ensuring inheritance. While society heavily focused on the ritual of Kanyadan (daughter-giving), adoption was acknowledged as Putradaan (son-giving). In the Hindu concept of salvation (Moksha), a son was considered essential to perform the deceased’s funeral rites. It was viewed as a “primarily religious act”. Inheritance, on the other hand, was seen as a secondary factor.

Manumsriti mentions the transfer of a child from one family to another family as Dattaka. These laws, with their stringent regulations, reveal a significant Brahminical influence in shaping adoption practices. A married woman, despite being a wife, did not have the right to adopt a son independently. In contrast, a bachelor man could readily ensure his lineage and guarantee salvation without any additional figures involved. According to Brahminical law, a son could even prevent his father from falling into the “region of torment”. Even widows or divorced women were denied full rights unless sanctioned by a male figure. The very status of a mother, in this structure, was permissible only if tethered to male legitimacy.

The Weight of Blood and Lineage

At the heart of the stigma around adoption in India lies a deeply ingrained belief that blood matters more than bonding. Caste purity, family name, and biological inheritance have historically been prioritized over emotional connection or ethical choice. Even today, families hesitate to adopt children from unknown backgrounds. “Where is the child from?” “What is the caste?” “Do we know the parents?” These queries often arise before any consideration of the child’s health is raised. The anxiety goes beyond the child’s history, it also concerns how it may “stain” the family’s future. This obsession with nasl (lineage) often leads to quiet adoptions, where the child may never be told the truth. The community is kept in the dark, lest the family’s social standing be questioned.

Religion, Law, and Portrayal

India’s legal journey on adoption is a fragmented one. The Hindu Adoption and Maintenance Act (1956) permits Hindus and a few other minority groups to adopt. Hindu women can adopt, but only under restrictive conditions. Even now, biological children and adopted children are not always granted equal standing in matters of succession and inheritance. This silence is worse for women, who fear judgment, pity, or unsolicited questions.

The media plays a major role in stigmatizing adoption within Indian society. Bollywood movies have portrayed adoption as an act of charity or a last resort for a childless couple. The dialogue, “Apna khoon to apna hota hain” (your blood is your own ) from the 2019 Bollywood movie ‘Good Newwz’. On the other hand, there is a portrayal of Nutan as an adopted girl in the late 1950s movie ‘Sujata’. Adoption is rarely depicted as a joyful, empowering choice that creates a real family in such films. The child is often shown as “grateful” or struggling to “fit in,” while the adoptive parent is either saintly or struggling.

The concept of Adoption, as mentioned in the Manusmriti, was a common practice in ancient India. This was mainly due to reasons of inheritance, generational wealth, and land ownership. This required a male counterpart so that it could be passed from one generation to the next without difficulty. The guidelines that the adopted child should be in treated equally to the biological offspring should be kept in mind. But for the case of women, the main issue was the right to remarry, considering that children from the second marriage were considered illegitimate. It was later argued that they should be permitted to live an independent life.

Due to the societal stigma for adoption, it creates constant pressure for parents. As a result, they have to pretend and hide their truth from society, and sometimes even from their child. It is defined by presence, care, protection, and unconditional love. An adoptive mother is just as genuine as a biological one. She frequently must expend extra effort to validate her identity in a world that does not fully appreciate her. Adoption should not be treated as taboo in a country where there are millions of abandoned children and thousands of willing parents. It’s time for foster parents to choose and care for their child. Ultimately, what makes a mother is not biology, but love.