My Life in Five Wallets

• Life is a journey. It cannot be perfect, yet beautiful in a mess.
• Every version we carry teaches us how to be true to ourselves.
• Becoming is not about leaving old versions of ourselves behind.
• It is about carrying each one of them with grace, learning and self-awareness.

Introduction

I’ve always believed that when we grow up, we grow wiser. Slowly, we let ourselves be left behind, neatly, like clothes that no longer fit. However, our existence revolves around the things we carry. It’s all about our memories, our mistakes, our aspirations, and our fear of failing. It is also about the version of ourselves that we leave behind. The missing piece of the puzzle that keeps us incomplete. For me, these bits and pieces never existed in diaries or photographs. Rather, they lived in wallets. You might be asking why I am referring to money and a wallet. However, here the wallet is not where money is kept. It is the unseen one that we silently maintain in our hearts and carry with us throughout life. If you were to inquire who I am today and what factors contribute to my being. I would not be able to give just one response. I am an assortment of all those different versions of me. The brave one, the timid one, the confused and lost one, and the dreamer. But I was never the quitter or the quieter one. Each time life hit me, I just switched my wallet and continued my journey. Thus, learning introspection along the way.

The Innocent Wallet

This wallet belonged to the girl who believed it easily. The one who had the least concern for what was next and was more focused on what was present. She didn’t know much, but she trusted life. She dreamed without asking for permission. She spoke without measuring her words. She thought wanting something badly was enough to deserve it.

This wallet was light. Almost empty. Yet somehow full of everything: curiosity, wonder, possibility. It carried no receipts of failure, no folded warnings, no quiet disappointments tucked into its corners. It held only faith: in people, in tomorrow, in herself.

I didn’t know then that the world would eventually teach me fear. Or that confidence could be chipped away so quietly you wouldn’t notice it happening. But that girl gave me something I still return to: the courage to imagine before learning to doubt. And even now, when life feels heavy, I search for traces of her belief. Because somewhere within me, that wallet still exists. It may be creased, worn, but not empty. And as long as I can find it, I know I haven’t lost her completely.

The Messy Wallet

This wallet belonged to the girl who tried too hard. This wallet was messy, stuffed with half-formed versions of herself, crumpled doubts, and borrowed definitions of success. Nothing fit neatly because she didn’t yet know what parts of herself were real and which ones she was performing.

It belonged to the girl who was figuring herself out while pretending she already had. The girl who compared, questioned, and wondered if she was falling behind. The girl who wanted to belong, but also wanted to be seen. This wallet held expectations that weren’t mine. Practicality camouflaged as fear. The small dreams fit into others’ comfort, others’ approval, others’ definitions of enough. It carried proof of effort, but very little proof of ease. 

I made mistakes here. I over explained. I overgave. I shrank myself so that others could fit in my space, too. I willingly sacrificed my own needs for the sake of others. I was under the impression that the act of staying was more significant than the act of leaving. Even though I was hurting. I fooled myself that pain was a form of fidelity and that love could develop from patience. I told myself that I had enough for everyone, even though I might be starving. The naive girl within me used to think that if I gave enough love, I would be loved back. I learned later in life that you cannot make people choose you.

This wallet was heavy in its own way. The unspoken expectations and exhausting hope of becoming a version of myself that no longer needs proving. Yet slowly, I also realised that the state of confusion was not necessarily a sign of being lost. It would sometimes indicate that I was outgrowing my environment more quickly than it could adapt to me. It would sometimes indicate that the old mold was not suitable anymore. Even though the new one had not yet come into being. And there was courage in all the mess. Even trying too hard means you haven’t lost faith in yourself—effort is proof you still believe. 

This wallet didn’t teach me who I was. It taught me who I wasn’t willing to remain.

The Survival Wallet

This wallet was heavy. I felt its weight every day, in the way my shoulders got tense. In the way, I was barely breathing through the moments instead of living them. The wallet was not heavy because of the material things I was carrying, but because of the endurance I was showing.

It belonged to the girl who learned how to keep going when stopping felt easier. The girl who was exhausted, uncertain, and slightly scared at the end of the day. Yet, she carried strength on her face, not because she was heroic but because she had no other choice.

This wallet was a symbol of the unspoken struggles, of the long public smiles broken by silence. Of the nights when no one had any idea how near I was to being shattered. How often I was with my mind wandering just to make it to the morning. It carried survival instincts that were sharpened by necessity.

I learned here that strength is not always loud. It sometimes does not even take the form of self-assurance, victory, or triumph. Sometimes it looks like persistence. Like, simply, the act of getting up even when you are feeling like nothing to do. Sometimes strength lies in choosing tomorrow again and again, even when surviving today is hurting.

This wallet didn’t make me brave, nor did it make me fearless. It made me authentic. It led me to the realisation that being human means carrying burdens yet continuing to move ahead. That mere existence in itself is a victory. And that even in the toughest times, I had to keep moving. I could crawl, walk, or run- choice was mine, but I could not choose to stay still and stagnant. The same journey is echoed in many stories of self discovery on Girl Power Talk.

The Rebuilding Wallet

The One That Chose Herself. This wallet felt different from the beginning. Lighter, but steadier. It didn’t demand proof or performance. It simply fits.

It belonged to the girl who stopped waiting for permission. It was owned by the girl who no longer waited for others to give her the go-ahead. The girl who at last deconditioned her mind from guilt, pleasing others, and tiring desire of being understood by all. The girl who eventually began prompting herself with the question she had tried to escape for such a long time. For the first time, she asked herself – What do I want?

This wallet held boundaries; firm but kind. Healing that didn’t announce itself, but showed up in small, brave decisions made quietly and consistently. It carried pauses instead of apologies. 

It wasn’t about becoming someone new. There was no reinvention, no dramatic transformation. It was about returning to myself and remembering who I was before I learned to shrink. Before I learned to over-explain, and before I learned to doubt my worth.

I didn’t become perfect here. I still faltered. I still questioned. I still had moments of fear.

But I became honest. Honest about my limits. Honest about my needs. Honest about what and who deserve a place in my life. And mature enough to know what was meant to be let go. It made me okay with losing people, things, or sometimes even myself. And honestly, something had changed in me. The way I loved, I chose myself over others and the way I learned to carry myself.

This wallet doesn’t promise ease. It promises alignment. And for the first time, that is enough.

The Becoming Wallet

The One I Carry Now

This is the wallet I’m still filling. It isn’t finished, and that no longer makes me uneasy. It feels lived-in, intentional, and honest. It holds clarity, which is earned, not assumed. Courage that shows up even when fear hasn’t fully left. It is the compassion finally given to oneself as generously as it is extended to others. It carries the hard-earned lessons built slowly, piece by piece. It carries confidence with who I am, rather than who I was expected to be.

I haven’t figured everything out yet, nor have I learnt everything. But I trust myself now. I trust my instincts. I trust my values. I trust myself more than anyone now. I know that I am worth it, not because I have achieved everything. Rather, because I know that I have that ability and adaptability. I just know that I CAN.

This wallet accepts that everyone has their own pace. It accepts that growth is not meant to be completed on a certain date. It accepts that life cannot be linked to a timeline. You cannot rush or compare the process of becoming. It has taught me that success is not a straight line. Accomplishment comes in layers, and your road to a dream is often quieter and lonelier. 

Most importantly, this wallet is a reminder that it’s okay to be alone and judged. What’s not okay is to look for your worth in the eyes of others. It’s okay to take the road less travelled because the crowd can make your life easy, but not exceptional.The most important thing this wallet taught me is: “It’s never too late to begin, just hold onto your dream”. A truth echoed in the voices celebrated on Girl Power Talk.

All five wallets live inside me, conflicting but co-existing. Each of them has shaped me in its own way, but none of them was a mistake. So, if you are reading this and wondering if you are doing things right in life. If you are anxious and sad because nothing is going according to your plans. Please know that you are right on time. You are not failing. You are becoming and growing.

One day, when you pause and look back. You will find that every single version of you was important in taking you where you are today. Even the one full of doubts. Even the one who was very close to giving up. Even the one who stayed in the wrong place for too long. Just remember and remind yourself, eventually everything falls into place. In the end, everything is right, and if it’s not right, then it’s not the end.